We are just about two weeks into our IVF journey. In the span of two weeks we found out that IVF may be the only realistic option for a biological child. I was hopeful for IUI and undoing the potential blockage.

A week later baselines labs were performed. During the ultrasound only five AFCs (follicles) were seen. A likely indicator of Diminished Ovarian Reserve (DOR). Our doctor noted a 30% chance of conceiving through IVF would be possible but the rest of the labs would need to return for a better prediction.

It’s been a week since the labs were taken and they were released today. Of course I had to look and see what’s going on for some peace of mind though I cannot interpret labs. What I do know though is 0.451 AMH is not a great sign at all. That indicates an ovarian reserve of a typical 45-50 year old female. My other labs appear within normal limits to me. Again waiting further feedback.

What can I say? I was shocked during the ultrasound though somewhat at peace with knowing. DOR can be from autoimmune diseases such as subclinical hypothyroidism, something I believe I’ve had going on for three years though was diagnosed with PCOS. I can understand there is some overlap.

The what-if’s or maybes ruminate in my head. The list goes on and on with the hypothetical and unknown “possibilities” that cause DOR or unexplained infertility.

I never thought I would be in this predicament. Like the medical professionals say your labs are normal you are healthy just lose some weight. Well I don’t think losing weight will bring back my eggs. I made the best decisions for myself at the time with information known and given.

I can’t beat myself up with the what-ifs. I can be grateful for supportive family and friends. I can’t think about how expensive it may be as multiple cycles may be needed. All we need is one good egg and one good sperm. That’s what I’ll hold on to for now.

-A